


No matter how extreme

by sherlock_exe



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, ED - Freeform, Eating Disorder, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mycroft Holmes - Freeform, Post Reichenbach, Reader-Insert, She/her pronouns, Sherlock - Freeform, Suicidal Reader, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, reader - Freeform, sherlock x reader - Freeform, suicide?, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23952886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlock_exe/pseuds/sherlock_exe
Summary: After reichenbach, Sherlock decides to snoop around his recently sold apartment when home from his mission. He doesn’t expect to find a note, and y/n’s newly purchased gun missing.
Relationships: Sherlock X Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 58





	No matter how extreme

I look around my apartment, all covered in dust, everything unused for years. The bin is filled to the brim with screwed up pieces of paper, they weren't there when I left.  
"what have you been up to y/n?" I think to myself, I walk around the house, through the kitchen, to the microwave, i don't expect it but those eyes are still there, "really, could've cleaned up" of course she couldn't hear me "Im so stupid" i say aloud. i havent seen y/n in a year, but I'm still too used to her being there. That's when i notice something, just from the corner of my eye. It's a handle, just like all the rest, but it's polished, looks like it's been opened recently, regularly.  
"Why" i think to myself, y/n and John bought an apartment when I left. i walk over to the drawer underneath our bookcase. It has y/n’s dust covered prints all over it. I recognise them. "Strange" I say aloud, this time conscious of myself "still warm". I open the draw and see it empty, all but a piece of paper, folded neatly in the middle of the desk, clearly done with care for a reason. I start to open the paper, making sure to carefully follow the seams so there is no trace of me left behind. Before I begin to read, I can see it's been written from the shaking hands of y/n. "What could this be?" I think, for the first time I am unable to deduce y/n’s actions. I begin to read the letter-

'Dear Sherlock Holmes,  
I know you are no longer here, but I have no one to write a letter to. I am sorry I've had to do it this way but I can no longer cope without you by my side. I love you Sherlock, I always have and I always will; you haven't come back to me, so I'm coming to you.  
\- y/n'

I struggle to comprehend what i have just read. I've got Mycroft watching Her, he says she’s fine, happy. There are no signs of y/n’s.. thoughts. Why? When? How? Wait. Didn't she buy a gun a few days before I left? My pulse begins to quicken and becomes erratic. I start to search around the flat. Frantically I open draws, throwing out the contents, praying I find the gun.  
"come on y/n, you didn't, you wouldn't have".  
I have not found the gun and I've spent at least 5 minutes searching, enough time wasted. She was here recently, the handle was still warm. I run down the stairs already beginning to call Mycroft, he picks up immediately.  
"What is it, brother mine?"  
"Get me the location of her-y/n"  
I know he has picked up on the panic in my voice  
"Right away" he says in return. After a couple of seconds I ask "why did you tell me she was fine?"  
"What?" Said Mycroft, clearly confused by my question.  
"Mycroft, just get me her location, i will explain later"  
"Right, um Sherlock, she was last picked up entering an industrial unit, Lambeth, London, on CCTV... what heavens is she doing there?".  
I cut Mycroft off, there is no time. By the time we finish our conversation I was running half way down Kendal street. The warehouse was 31 minutes away by car, with the traffic and limitations of Londons roads. There wasn't enough time for a cab-suddenly, a car pulls infront of me. Mycroft.  
"Get in he shouts" clearly as distressed as I am. He's words "caring is not an advantage" are ringing in my ears. I can understand why he said it now, but I know he has gone back on his words. Before I know it we are speeding down the street towards the unit. I begin blurting out questions, I need to know "why Mycroft, why would she do such a thing?"  
"Sherlock-"  
"How long has she felt like this?!!"  
"Sherl-"  
"You told me she was fine, Mycroft, YOU SAID SHE WAS OKA--"  
"WILLIAM LISTEN TO ME"  
I am taken aback by his sudden outburst, I just wanted answers. He's had them all along.  
"Just listen" he says, calmer, but still with a raised voice.  
"There were some signs, she had lost some weight, only a few pounds, and isolated herself from some-"  
"So you knew??”  
"We didn't expect her to- to do this, the signs weren't extreme"  
"The signs are signs NO MATTER HOW EXTREME! Mycroft, you know this"  
"Sherlock, we could not compromise your mission"  
I can't speak to him, I have no words to say. I look out the window and see we have just passed 'The belle vue', it's just 6 minutes away from the warehouse y/n was last seen.  
"Please don't be too late, please be okay y/n"  
I say, repeating myself, more desperate with every word and every passing minute. I don't care how stupid I may sound to Mycroft, I just want to find her. 

-

After what seemed like years, I look out and see we've pulled up outside the site. It's the middle warehouse from four others, clearly abandoned. We start walking and then begin to pick up our pace. We start running towards the door, my heartbeat faster that I have ever felt. Adrenaline, fear, anger, pain, or maybe I'm just unfit. I reach for the door handle, the only clean part on the site. I open the door and inside, about 30 feet away, I see her. She’s slumped over in the corner, gun in hand. She looks anorexic, not like she's lost "just a few pounds". I can't tell whether she's breathing or not; whether she's done it already.


End file.
